Probably, the most difficult problems that face humanity today have their genesis in people trying to control other people. WE JUST CAN'T GET PEOPLE TO DO WHAT WE WANT! And if we did, well, the world would be a much better place, right? Right?! Hm-m-m...
We have all fallen into the habit, at some point or another, of judging others and then fantasizing about how we are going to get them to change. We manipulate, hint and bully. Then we try to get other people involved in changing the people we want to change. But let me ask you this: Can you control the contents of your own mind? Can you see a thought form rising in your own mind? And if you see a negative, hurtful thought developing, can you change that thought into something more positive? If the answer to any of the above is no, then how on earth can you expect to change anyone else? Or, more to the point, WHY do you think that you SHOULD try to change anyone else?
Part of letting go of trying to control others begins by recognizing that we are all beings living in human bodies and that those bodies all come with different personalities. And, sometimes, personalities become offended. Usually, we are most offended when we see a personality trait in someone else that reminds us of some aspect of our own personality that we are not comfortable with. Ouch. We don't like that. We certainly don't want to be reminded of it. But, remember, it's not about them. It's about us. And here's what you can do about it: Forgive them.
There's a technique called the Forgiveness Ritual that is very useful in retraining the mind to stop trying to control others. It is quite simple. This technique is best practiced @ the end of the day after reaching a calm, meditative state. Before going to bed, close your eyes. Visualize each person whose personality you have offended that day. Call them to mind one at a time. As you see each one say silently, "Please, forgive my personality for offending your personality." Then visualize each person whose personality has offended your own and say, "I forgive your personality for offending my personality." Mean it and then let them go out of your mind. In some cases you will see someone in your mind and say, "Please, forgive my personality for offending your personality. Also, I forgive your personality for offending my personality." Start with the small "offenses" (for example, the person with 40 items in the 10-items-or-less line @ the grocery store) and work up from there. When you've reached the very last person that you can think of that has either offended your personality or you theirs (or both) on that day, when you've asked forgiveness of their personalities and forgiven their personalities and there is absolutely no one left...go to sleep. This technique takes practice. Do it every evening and you'll begin to find that what other people are doing bothers you less. We're all people and we're just going about doing what people do. We're peopling.
Shanti and Prem,
S.
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi